Setting Realistic Goals
As the new year approaches, I have been reviewing the past year and attempting to take stock of my successes, achievements and progress made towards my goals. I attempt to recognize any work I made towards my goals whilst practicing self-compassion and acknowledging situational factors that acted as barriers. Nevertheless, I find celebrating or even acknowledging any success is often woefully overshadowed by my perceived failures.
Goals are important, yet we can often be our own worst enemy when we set unrealistic ones. I liken goal achievement to Anodea Judith’s description of manifestation from her book Eastern Body, Western Mind, “in order to manifest, we must be able to accept limitation. We have to be able to focus on what we want, to be specific about it. We have to able to stick with it long enough for manifestation to occur” (p.64).
I do like the idea of using the new year as a time to review the past year and make updates for the coming year; however, one question to ask is “are we setting realistic goals?” Another consideration is, “were the goals of yesteryear realistic?” Setting unrealistic goals can contribute to feelings of disappointment, thoughts of failure and a lack of motivation. How can we set goals that are both realistic and flexible to adapt to changing circumstance so we don’t get blown off track when the path to our goal doesn’t look like we imagined?
SMART Goals
One acronym that is useful when setting goals is SMART. Is your goal: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound? When setting a goal, it is important to be aware of your context and SMART goals can help you do this. Let’s take a look at the time-honoured classic new years goal to start going to the gym. This is a great goal; physical fitness is linked to improvements in physical and mental health. However, many people start going to the gym with vigour in the new year, only to stop going to the gym within a few months.
Specific: How many times/week will you go? For how long? Will you go in the morning, afternoon, or evening? Consider your personal context when crafting your specific goal. If you work full-time or have a family, the hours you can attend the gym may be limited. Getting specific can help you succeed.
Measurable: How will you know you are achieving your goal? When we are in the primary stages of working towards a goal, it can be easy to think we aren’t making any progress towards it. It can be hard to recognize the small and necessary steps made along the way. Using the gym example, a measurable goal may be to count the number of times you make it to the gym each week and seeing if you can remain more or less on target. Physical changes can take longer to show up, so you want to make sure you are measuring your success using a tangible measure.
Achievable: Is this goal achievable? Really stop and ask yourself this question. Sure, you may want to go to the gym every day for an hour, and you know that your body will feel great; however, what other responsibilities do you have? What can you physically manage? Do you even like the gym? This is a good place to ask yourself, “if my friend set this as their goal, would I think it was achievable?”
Relevant: This is where you look at how this goal fits within your context, whether is aligns with your values and other goals. If your ultimate desire is to increase your movement throughout the week, there may be other, more enjoyable ways to reach that goal such as setting up a weekly walking date or taking a dance class.
Time-bound: Setting limitless goals with no timeline just doesn’t work. Even with a statement as simple as, “I want to go to the gym more often”, set a timeline for evaluating this goal. Perhaps in three months you can evaluate your gym attendance, “what worked, what didn’t, what needs to change?” And if you reached your goal then you need to celebrate! Mark your success. Take yourself out to dinner, give yourself a pat on the back.
There are many ways to help yourself set realistic and attainable goals. You may decide to work with a therapist to help set goals and unpack material when you notice a block towards your goal. If you would like to discuss realistic and grounded goal setting, contact me today.
